Identify your negative feelings and what keeps you in the negative.
Our emotions and behaviors often reflect what we feel about the world around us. For example, if you’re a gossiper, ask yourself, “What does my behavior reveal to others about my character?”
If you’re like most people, you’ll probably gain some insight into how you are perceived when spreading gossip. Most people I know who ask themselves this find out that they are seeking attention. And with good self-awareness, they’ll soon realize that others perceive them as, well, pretty pathetic.
The next step is to determine what supports the attitude or behavior. It may be that yourworkplace is toxic or you’re hanging around with some bad apples.
Sticking with the theme of gossip, a willingness to actively participate in it and listen to it is the support system that keeps feeding the attitude, leading you to gossip again. When you’re consciously aware that listening to gossip leads you to gossip, you’ve got a pretty good start on your road to change.
Kill the negative self-talk by reframing.
Do you ever hear that voice inside your head tell you things like:
“I screwed up again.”
“I can’t do this. I was never able to do it. It’s not going to work now.”
“I am nothing compared to those people.”
Self-talk is normal but when it becomes negative and is used to reinforce an irrational thought or idea, that’s a problem.
So what’s the solution? A neat little positive psychology trick called reframing. You begin by consciously identifying the type of inner dialogue or language you use daily. We all have one. What’s yours?
Next, take a mental note, or journal about the negative words or phrases you use at the end of the day. For example: I can’t, I don’t know how, this is impossible, I always get this wrong, etc.
Now, really pay attention to the times when you use them again. What are the triggers? Are demands at work piling up? Are things at home not so peachy?
As you notice yourself saying something negative in your mind, you can stop your thought midstream by saying to yourself (or in your head), “Stop!” Saying this aloud will be more powerful, and having to say it aloud will make you more aware of how many times you are stopping negative thoughts and where.
Now, dig deep down inside yourself and rethink your assumptions. Are you assuming something is a negative event when it isn’t, necessarily? Stop, rethink, and see if you can come up with a neutral or positive replacement.
By reframing, you’re challenging your irrational ideas, thoughts, and generalizations–yes, and those voices that tell you you’re hopeless or always doing things wrong!
And without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him.
Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.
Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need
There are three constants in life…change, choice and principles.” Stephen Covey
“Life’s most persistent and urgent question is, ‘What are you doing for others?” Martin Luther King, Jr.
“People grow through experience if they meet life honestly and courageously. This is how character is built.” Eleanor Roosevelt
Leaders Leading Leaders
Everyone is important
During Mark’s first month of college, the professor gave his students a pop quiz. He was a conscientious student and had breezed through the questions, until he read the last one: “What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?” Surely this was some kind of joke. He had seen the cleaning woman several times. She was tall, dark-haired and in her 50s, but how would he know her name? He handed in his paper, leaving the last question blank.
Just before class ended, one student asked if the last question would count toward the quiz grade. “Absolutely,” said the professor. “In your careers, you will meet many people. All are significant. They each deserve your attention and care, even if all you do is smile and say ‘hello’”. Mark never forgot that lesson.
He also learned her name was Dorothy.